Welcome to my blog! I'm a senior Mathematical Chemistry major starting med school at OU in the fall. Here is a link to my storybook project:
https://sites.google.com/view/grimmgerman/introduction
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Comment Wall
Welcome to my blog! I'm a senior Mathematical Chemistry major starting med school at OU in the fall. Here is a link to my storybook project:
https://sites.google.com/view/grimmgerman/introduction
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hello again, Ellie! I love the premise of your storybook. I think it will be an inventive and fun project. I think it is really cool that you’re going to integrate German into your stories and I’m going to try to check back as you add stories to see how they turn out. It will be fun for me too, because unlike most people I’m not very familiar with most of the original stories. I remember bits and pieces from hearing them in elementary school but I can’t recall really knowing most of the story-lines. Actually, the only one I think I know most of the story-line to would be “Little Red Riding Hood”.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction does a good job of explaining your plans for the project and I really don’t see anything major to critique so far. I like how you're planning to modernize them while maintaining authenticity. I think you used the word “storybook” or “story” a lot though, and it may flow a little better if you revised that and reworded just a little bit.
Hey Ellie! It’s awesome that you’re writing will be taken from the Grimm stories. I too have always been fascinated by the stories, though I haven’t read any of the originals, I hope to one day. My boyfriend is half German and actually has the originals, somewhere, so maybe I can read his book if he can find it. I love the differences in the stories and the old-timey feels of them, so it will definitely be different to see your take on them in modern day. I am also about to incorporate Hansel & Gretel into my storybook and am in high debate on what other stories I could use. I figured Rapunzel as well, but it may not be suitable for the type of storyline I am going for. I am curious what plot you will gear towards and how your stories will intertwine in the end, especially keeping the creepy/scary vibes of the stories. Good luck and I can’t wait to read them!
ReplyDeleteHi Ellie! I think you have a very fun concept! It reminds me of the TV show Grimm or at least what I've seen of it. I think your biggest challenge will be the German words. My Storybook is set in Japan, and so I've been using Japanese words. So far all of my comments have said I haven't figured out the best way to do that yet. I'm going to have to check back in to see if you come up with a better technique than I have so far. But I'm really excited to read your stories. My hometown is very German influenced so it'll be fun to hear more traditional story interpretations.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm looking forward to your Red Riding Hood retelling the most because it is one of my favorites. I've read so many adaptations of it, and so many of them were really unique and cool. I'm not usually one for blood and gore and unhappy endings, but I'm interested none the least.
Hi Ellie! I really like that you are using the more familiar stories from the catalogue. It will definitely make it easier on the reader to see your personal touch on them. I also like that you are making it a point to keep the creepier aspects of the story. However, you did mention that you wanted to update them to a modern context and preserve the creepiness twice within the intro. It is redundant, and it is something really easy to fix.
ReplyDeleteI really like the example you gave of you plan to update your stories (the Cinderella story). I hope that as you proceed to add to your storybook you update the intro to include descriptions of the included stories. That way readers know what to expect.
As for the inclusion of German language, I would suggest to have the translation really close. It will disrupt the reader if he or she has to scroll to the very bottom to find the translation before he or she can proceed reading. I just think it would really break the flow of the story.
As for the intro as a whole, you have introduced your storybook idea, but I wish you would use it to "get into character". The intro should feel like it is a part of the story. Maybe you could move the current stuff into the home page. Then as you write, add info about what the reader can expect to read.
Overall, I like your idea. I am already sold based on your Cinderella idea. I look forward to seeing what you do with all the other stories, too!
Ellie, what an awesome idea! I love reading about the Grimm brothers. I like that you’re “retelling” the original stories, but, for your introduction I think instead of telling us and explaining to use what you were going to do as “Ellie” in your intro, it would be really neat for you to turn it into a dialogue between the Grimm brothers and express their annoyance with how much people have changed their stories. Since you wanted to write the stories in third person, I think telling the stories as the brothers would help a lot. This approach would be more authentic because then the reader can feel like they’re hearing the stories from the Grimm brothers themselves! Some ways you can approach this if you wanted to do it would be to 1. Write a transcript/script of a casual conversation the two brothers have about this, how they feel about people changing their stories, and what they plan on doing about it. 2. Write 2 short journal entries in your intro for each brother’s point of view. Each can explain that they’ve talked to the other and what they plan on doing. Or if there is another way you think you could write the best, that way! Just a suggestion, of course! Best of luck and I can’t wait to read the stories.
ReplyDeleteHi, Ellie!
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting concept! I actually do not know the story of Hansel and Gretel that well, so I am intrigued to learn more. On another note, I know Red Riding Hood and Snow White, and I am excited to see how you turn these modern! I wonder if setting these stories in Germany would be helpful to you as well. What if you made the blog background black and eerie to match the theme better? I think that would tie in the feeling you are looking for. The whiteness just feels too clean and airy. These are just little suggestions though, so do not feel obligated to change it if you don’t feel like it. Just being nitpicky! You have a great idea going, and it is great to see you incorporating something you are passionate about! I am interested to see where the rest of the semester will take you. Keep up the good work.
I love the concept! I love the original, dark Brothers Grimm stories so I'm really looking forward to reading your adaptations! You might want to rewrite your introduction a bit though because you say that your Rapunzel story will feature the prime minister, but it doesn't! I was a little confused when I first read it. Also, you promised a German translation which wasn't at the bottom of the story! I like the use of German in there but it was definitely a little jarring to just randomly have two sentences in German. Maybe if you're going to do that you could have all of the dialogue in German so it would have more consistency? I also wish the story was a bit longer! I would have liked to hear how Rapunzel started living on her own because it seems like her "father" would not have wanted her to without a fight. Great concept overall though!
ReplyDeleteHey Ellie!
ReplyDeleteI was blown away by your use of adjectives to really bring this story to life! I was finding myself really getting into the story and picturing myself at that long named German town! Small nit picking, but in the webpages all of them are capitalized except for the introduction so you may want to capitalize that for a more uniform look! I read the first story as the second one has not been uploaded yet, and I loved that you chose Rapunzel as the first story! Two of my favorite things, Princesses and German! I took German as my foreign language in high school and my brother speaks it fluently so every time I go home we have nice conversations. I enjoyed how you included some German, but not too much for the readers who obviously have not taken it! Good luck on your stories in the future!
I really like your story. I love the Brothers Grimm stories, and I was excited to get to read your take on their stories. I liked that you changed the origin of Rapunzel so that she was born to normal people instead of the king and queen. I thought it was interesting and a bit naïve that the husband thought he could get out of the agreement he made with the cloaked stranger. I know we have a word could limit, but I would have loved to learn more about the mysterious man and why he wanted to have a child. I think it would make the story a bit more well-rounded. I also think that a bit more fleshed out ending would benefit your story as well. I thought that the ending was a bit abrupt and didn’t have much of a conclusion. I would love to know why Rapunzel wasn’t living with her father anymore. Did she run away, did he die, did he just not care about keeping her locked up anymore? I think just adding that detail in there would make your story more complete.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the Grimm Brother’s stories. I have been obsessed with them since I was a child. I really like reading them and comparing them to the stories we grew up knowing, as you mentioned. It’s always interesting to me how different writers can read the same story and come out with something completely different.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job in your Rapunzel story. I think adding the German dialogue was a great touch. Even though I was a little confused by what they were saying during the story, reading it at the end cleared things up.
One thing I did notice, in your introduction post, you repeated yourself. Other than that, it was great. You used great imagery and keeping the story as close to the original as you could was really cool. I enjoyed the modern twist you gave the classic story. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
It’s cool that you went with this idea, especially with your interest in the German language! I think the German dialogue adds something extra, makes it more authentic. It’s an interesting idea to set Rapunzel in the modern day. The changes you made seemed to fit—the main ones seemed to be Rapunzel’s home being a simple house rather than a tower, and her guardian’s decision to cut her hair for the sake of disguising her. If you’re looking to make edits to the story, one simple thing you could do is to add a few more modern elements to the house. Describe an air conditioning unit or radio making noise in the background, for example. Or you could mention Rapunzel’s guardian wears a certain brand of watch or boots that the reader would be familiar with.
ReplyDeleteOne other thing you could do has to do with that German dialogue. It’s really cool and novel, but you could add another few context clues to clue the reader in to what’s being said, without them having to scroll to the bottom of the page. You could mention how Lina reassures him specifically, use body language, something like that.
Good stuff so far! I’ll be interested in reading the next story.
I love your incorporation of the Grimm tales for your storybook! I actually thought about doing the same, but I'm not German, not one bit so it definitely suits you perfectly since you learned it. I had always been intrigued by their versions, since they were the original and because my boyfriend is half-German, it makes me want to read them even more and learn German to understand him as well.
ReplyDeleteYour version of Rapunzel started out strong and I enjoyed the more modern take of the story, though it seemed to still have some type of non-mortal context to it, such as the agreement of the stranger taking the baby after he 'helped' her bare children. I would also suggest to move what was in parentheses to the bottom of the story to explain, or maybe explain it in the author's note as to why it was especially strange. I've been told that it doesn't quite add a good element in a story. The ending could've also been even more elaborated, I would've loved to read more on how inseparable Olaf and Rapunzel were and how they got passed her 'father'; oh and if she ever reunited with her birth family, though I guess it could be left out in the open for more. Overall, great job!! I love your take and am excited to read more on which you choose to write over.
The first story looks great! I would go back to the introduction and change a few things though so it is consistent with your stories. In your first story, I noticed in the Authors note this sentence that is a little confusing, here is the part you might want to reword: "he is blinded by the enchantress being Rapunzel and..". Is the enchantress posing as Rapunzel? It's not too confusing I just have to reread it a few times. And by king's son you mean prince? I like that you put a German to English translation at the bottom (I would have said to add that in if not) to make sure the readers know though, I would put an asterisk next to the German sentences so we know that it tells us elsewhere what it means. Great story book and I cannot wait to see where you take it!
ReplyDeleteHi, Ellie! Great job on your introduction and first story of your Storybook! I really like that you are reestablishing the dark and creepy aspects of the original German Grimm stories. That's the part I've always liked, as morbid as it sounds, so I think it's neat to stay true to this! I loved the story about Rapunzel and it made it so much more sad to know the backstory behind her parents being so excited to have a child, only for her to be taken away. Knowing that she could have had a normal life if it weren't for the enchantress was depressing. You did a great job showing her confusion about the outside world and then yearning for friends like Olaf. I'm glad they eventually ended up together in a town far away from her evil Father! I was a little confused on which parts were modern day as opposed to which ones were still in the old German style, so it might help to add some details about technology or modern day clothes they wear. I also really liked the touch of German you added to the dialogue! I know a little bit of German from my classical and choral singing experience so I was excited when I knew what the translations were even before I checked. Overall, great job and I really enjoyed reading your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Ellie,
ReplyDeleteYour homepage for your storybook is beautiful! The landscape picture is captivating. I think that is neat that you chose to keep some of the “creepy vibes” from the original German stories in your stories because you are definitely right about that element disappearing over the years. How awesome that you can use your German skills for this project! I think that it is great to know that the author of these stories is so familiar with German. In your introduction you should mention Rapunzel with the other stories when listing them since it is your first one! I really like how the stories will actually be set in Germany too. That is a great touch. I think your writing style is great, especially for storytelling. A suggestion I would make is to maybe include the translations to the German next to the German itself. I am glad that Rapunzel got a happy ending, and how cool that you wrote about a place where a friend of yours lives. Good job with your storybook so far.
Hey Ellie!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy what you have done with your storybook from the Grimm brothers. I think they have some of the best tales, and there are so many different inspirations that can come from the stories. I like how you added a modern twist to your stories. I thought the part about AT&T was so funny and clever. Now a days everyone is always on their phone and tracking is relatively more simple. I really like how you have taken your minor and transformed it into your stories. I have some German background, but I do not know a lot about it. It was cool that you used dialogue in German for your first story. Did you think about adding German dialogue to your last story with the Cinderella twist? It would also be funny if they mixed up the words or something and something completely different happened. Maybe with a translator? Just thinking of different ideas! Overall, I like how you stayed true to the composition of the story, but changed some drastic aspects of it! Great job.
I came back to read your other story! I loved that soon into the story I could realize that this story was Cinderella-based. I didn’t know from the title since it was German. It was a great idea to change the shoe to a cell phone. That was a very nice modern touch, and it was interesting to me that it was an outdated flip-phone. I think it would be great if you could find a way to incorporate ways that the step-sisters try to claim the phone as their own as they try to convince him the shoes are theirs by cutting parts of their feet off. I would have also liked to read more about the step-sisters’ and step-mother’s reactions when they found out that Emma would be marrying Tobias. Surely there would be some major drama, and that could be interesting dialogue to include. Overall, great job on your storybook!
ReplyDelete